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There’s a certain charismatic quality that exudes from people who are self-confident. You’ll almost always notice a sense of attraction, a magnetic quality that pulls you towards people who have confidence in themselves.

We’re all interested in people who have that sense of inner certainty about them. So where does it come from?

Inner confidence

Inner confidence is the type of confidence you want to have because it never goes away. It’s there no matter what happens externally.

Most people don’t take the time to build true inner confidence. They want that quick fix. They want that magic pill that gives them outer confidence and a temporary good feeling. But that’s not going to do anything for you in the long run.

How to build inner confidence:

1. Don’t be afraid to fail

People who are comfortable with themselves and are able to fail are people who we feel comfortable with.

Successes give you outer confidence and a temporary boost in ego but when you fail over, and over, and over again, that’s when you build inner confidence.

This might mean you have to get rejected sometimes. Just remember, nobody in the world wins at everything all the time. Not even you. Try not to care too much. Try not to care what other people think about you.

When you ‘do what you cannot do’, you gain self-confidence. Even if you fail, you gain self-confidence because you were brave enough to look your fear in the eye and act anyway.

Failure is seldom fatal. You almost always get a second chance. So go for it. Don’t be afraid of taking a chance — you’ll be better off for it.

2. Trust yourself 100%

Be yourself to the extreme and don’t apologise to anybody for it.

This means whatever your passions, whatever your hobbies, whatever jokes you find funny, don’t be afraid to express these things to everybody around you. If people don’t like you for who you are — who cares.

“Be who you are and say what you feel — because those who mind don’t matter and those who’s matter don’t mind.”

Use this to filter out people you don’t connect with and get closer to people who appreciate you for who you are.

You can have safe interactions with everybody in your life and have everybody like you as an acquaintance, or you can believe in yourself 100% and have some people dislike you and some people absolutely love you.

If you want to please everybody, go ahead and keep playing it safe. Go ahead and keep playing that person that everybody likes as an acquaintance. But if you want to live life and meet people who you genuinely love and and who genuinely love you in return, then the only way to do that is to believe in yourself.

3. Stop caring what other people think of you

It’s nearly impossible not to care, on some level, about what people think. It’s a core human desire to be accepted, acknowledged and loved.

On the other hand, caring too much about what people may say or think if you do something can hold you back in life. It can stop you taking action because you fear being judged by someone or people in general.

“Care about what other people think and you’ll always be their prisoner.” ~ Lao Tzu

People don’t think about you as much as you think they do. Most people around you think of themselves and what affects them and their lives. If they do think about you, it’s not as often as you might think.

Once you understand that this is how people’s minds work, it’s a big step towards freedom and building unshakable self-confidence.